What I believe the most pertinent question is

by Jozsef Kapitany
(Budapest, Hungary)

Dear Stephanie,


I am a trainer and an associate college professor. Your brilliant writing has been flawless until this part:

(Lastly, and this one may sting a little, but it's almost always true as well.
"I DON'T SEE AND APPRECIATE MY OWN CONTRIBUTION.
I DON'T VIEW MYSELF AS A VITAL PART OF THE TEAM."
This must be true. How? You seem to need your boss to confirm it. You can't see it yourself, so you need outside proof. And when your boss didn't give it, you blamed her.
You may be thinking, "Well, hey! I'm the one who is stressed. The least she could do is relieve it!" And again...I am going to ask you, "Is that true?" Who is in charge of relieving your stress? YOU are in charge of relieving your stress.
No one can do that for you.)

Suppose I get my attendees to do this exercise. At this point however the question is bound to come up.
"So what? Okay, I distort reality but what and HOW should I do about it?"

What would you answer? How do YOU answer?

Many thanks,

Jozsef Kapitany





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Jan 04, 2011
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Steph's Response
by: Anonymous

I LOVE that you are considering teaching this. It's truly the world's best kept secret. To answer your question:

****Okay, I distort reality but what and HOW should I do about it?" What would you answer? How do YOU answer?*****


That is the crucial understanding! THEY distorted their OWN reality. And this is the one and only reason they are unhappy.

These stressful thoughts are just theories--- partial information leading to poorly formed conclusions....and with all the options for interpretation, we choose the ones that make us the most miserable. It's as if we won't believe the validity of our thoughts unless they HURT.

So if you get that response in class, I would answer, "Exactly!"

If they continue to push back on this information, point out to them that they are FIGHTING YOU (and this information) to keep themselves unhappy. They say they want relief, but they ARGUE to stay where they are with this kind of response.

Hope that helps.

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